My Daughter Is Brilliant
By: Mark W Adams

She's 15 and in college -- really.

But what really tells me she's way too smart is that she sent me this:

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

15. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

16. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

17. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

18. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

19. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

20. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

21. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

22. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really

23. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

24. You have enough clothes.

25. You have too many shoes.

26. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

Yeah, I know, I usually avoid these silly chain-mail type things. My sister sends me so many I fed her to my junk mail filters -- she knows my phone number but doesn't know how to clip a header, cut and paste or make sub-groups in her address book to separate out who doesn't want to read every little soul inspiring care-bear or clown covered thought for the day she sends along.

If she sent me some fun LOL Katz, then maybe she can haz teh funny -- but no. My little girl, however, sent me this clean and clear of extraneous crap, and I hope it made you laugh too. (And Sis, if you're offended, I'm shocked. Not that I disturbed your sensibilities, but that you read my blog. Next thing you know you'll buy a newspaper.)

1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

don't mean to be a buzzkill, but no. 17 is, i think, factually incorrect.

my wife has this little man-doll keychain with a button, and the sign "ideal man" on his chest. when you push the button, he says stuff like: "you know - i really don't know where we are. i'll stop here at this gas station and ask directions." he also says, "aw, can't your mother stay another week?" while i'm uncomfortable with the stereotype - it still cracks me up.