Don't Make Me Come Back There Girls By: Mark W Adams

Now if I wanted to see otherwise intelligent people make completely embarrassing nitwits of themselves, I would have watched the clowns masquerading as attorneys turn MSNBC's wall-to-wall coverage of the Anna Nichole Smith hearing into a circus. What an embarrassing display.

No, I'm a political junkie, into substance and policy, and ...

Hey. (Excuse me for a minute folks.) I said cut it out! I swear if you girls don't behave back there you'll all get time outs. Wonkette, You know how I feel about spreading lies and rumors. You're grounded young lady. No more My Space for a week!

Sorry about that. Where was I? Anyway, you might have known there was an important event in Carson City, Nevada, this afternoon (notice I didn't say Nev-ahh-duh.)

Most of the Democratic presidential candidates were speaking before the AFSCME Union Forum ...

Taylor, I'm warning you. Shut Up! I'm not interested in what Hillary said. Remember, "sticks and stones." Now go stand at the blackboard and write down everything you saw at the candidate's forum.

I'll toot my guy's horn of course. John Edwards did very well indeed.

No Taylor, Obama was not playing hookie. He's an important man and can't be everywhere. Now erase that.

As Democrats, we are very fortunate to have such talent running to represent us. Even Dennis Kucinich gave a good presentation, getting the crowd to cheer along with him, "A President with No Strings" as he twirled to show he was no puppet ...

Dammit Arianna, I've really had it. I know Maureen started it. ... Quit screaming Maureen! I'm not deaf. You did too start it.

Now you two leave Mr. Geffen and Hillary alone. ... I know what he said about her, but I'm not his daddy. ... Yes Honey, some of Hillary's friends are just as icky. But they were upset that David is Obama's BFF and not Hillary's anymore. ... Sometimes people get older and they find new friends.

Cordial and professional, the candidates each came out individually and made a two-minute pitch, answered some questions, offered some closing remarks, and left the stage for the next candidate. All of them came out against the Iraq War and for universal health care.

Michele! Now you just keep your little snarky comments to yourself. They certainly were not biting or stabbing each other. Quit causing trouble where none exists. Start acting your age young lady.

The details naturally differed with Biden offering the most comprehensive view of the Iraq problem, how to draw-down now and what to do for the aftermath. Richardson emphasized diplomacy, not surprising for a former UN Ambassador. Edwards, of course, had the most detailed health care plan and was unforgiving in his criticism of the Bush administration's war.

Pamela, that's IT! You cannot just make stuff up and call people awful names. I'm done with you little Missy. I don't know where get this behavior, but it's simply unacceptable. Go to your room and go right to bed -- Right Now. You get no dinner, no TV, and No Playing On The Computer! I'm putting parental controls on your little blog and from now on you're only allowed to write stories about your kittens.

It's a shame most folks never even knew about the Candidate Forum, but everyone will get plenty of chances to get to know the candidates in the next year or so. Too bad there wasn't some controversy or conflict the media and bloggers could blow out of proportion -- just for the sake of getting these events more exposure.