Palin Debate Shocker!
By: Mark W Adams

St. Louis -- Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Governor Sarah Palin, may have pulled off the most stunning piece of political jujitsu in history at tonight's debate.

Displaying an almost encyclopedic knowledge of even the most obscure policy details on both foreign affairs and domestic policy she shocked the political world. Pundits across America were stunned, convinced that she had either been sand-bagging the public or is an incredibly quick study after a series of disastrous interview where she came off so completely unprepared and unqualified for the VP post that caused several conservative columnists and commentators to call for her resignation from the campaign.

The economy was the first subject of the debate. Gov. Palin immediately took command of the stage by explaining for the first time what a "credit default swap" was to the American People in a way that was both easily understood and displayed a mastery of the complexity of our current financial crisis as well as any Nobel Prize winning economist.

"Well, you see Gwen," the Governor answered a question by moderator Gwen Ifel on what she would do to handle the financial crisis. "This whole meltdown thingy is the result of over-leveraged speculation on mortgage-backed securities based on houses sold to black people who had no business moving out of their neighborhood."

"See, they asked me last week if there were any Supreme Court decisions I disagreed with besides that stupid Roe v. Wade ruling, and I couldn't think of any off the top of my head. Then right after the interview that nice man at Fox News sent me a text over my Blackberry -- and wasn't it wonderful of Senator McCain to invent it for us -- and the Fox guy asked, you know, over the Blackberry, why I didn't say something like 'Plessy vs. Furguson'. But see, I don't disagree with that one and think that States, and Governors, should have all that kind of decisions. The uh, separate but equal stuff."

After Ms. Ifel was helped back into her chair, she asked Joe Biden to respond. The Delaware Senator demurred, "I yield my time to Governor Palin. I'm very interested in her explaining this idea further."

"Thank you Senator," Palin said. "So, if the black folks had just bought houses in their own neighborhoods, and the banks had marked all those mortgages with something everyone would know that, like, what kind of people were supposed to pay those mortgages. Like making the African Americans sign their names in black ink and the regular folks would sign them in blue, then no one would have thought those mortgages were worth the same as the regular mortgages, Fanny Mac and Freddie Mae wouldn't have bought them and they wouldn't have clogged up the financial markets."

Palin then finished her description of the problem after a disruption when Gwen Ifel was led out of the auditorium by secret service upon throwing one of her crutches at Palin and shouting obscenities. Earlier reports of Ifel's pro-Obama bias were vindicated.

"Well, as I was saying," the Alaskan beauty queen continued. "The financial system is like a series of tubes, and when some black gunk clogs them up, ya gotta get in there and shake things up . . .

[No internet traditions were harmed in the creation of this snark. My apologies to absolutely everyone.]

1 Comment:

Floyd M. Orr said...

This is a very imaginative article. Here is my more scathing version: