The Emporer's Empty Invisible Suit By: Mark W Adams

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that Fred Thompson (R-Hollywood) has emerged from his Fortress of Ineptitude to salvage the image of Republicans everywhere.

Certainly no one else could match the miscalculations and boorish savior faire of the decider as efficiently as the man whose raison d'entre is to prove that the Presidency is not a job, but merely a part to be played.

Both George W. Bush and Fred D. Thompson took their comedy routines on the road this week, and neither disappointed:

George: APEC/OPEC, Whatever ...

"Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit. I appreciate -- APEC summit. (Laughter.) He invited me to the OPEC summit next year."

Fred: They Hate For Our Smoking Sections

Fred Thompson puzzled Iowans yesterday by insisting an Al Qaeda smoking ban was one reason freedom-loving Iraqis bolted to the U.S. side.

“They said, ‘You gotta quit smoking,’” Thompson explained to a questioner asking about progress in Iraq during a town hall-style meeting. […]

George: AARRRRRastRRrrrEEEaaahhhh/AARrraustRrrRAILLLLLEEEaahhh Whatever ...

The president's next goof went uncorrected — by him anyway. Talking about Howard's visit to Iraq last year to thank his country's soldiers serving there, Bush called them "Austrian troops."

That one was fixed for him. Though tapes of the speech clearly show Bush saying "Austrian," the official text released by the White House switched it to "Australian."

Fred: Dissent Causes Terrorism ...

"If you're politically committed against this war and to do something to further harm the president, the way the Democrats seem to be in Congress, then anything [in the Petraeus Report] that's a mixed message is going to be seized upon in a negative way," Thompson told Fox News on Thursday.

"If we look weak and divided in this country, we're going to pay a heavy price for it in the future," he went on. "We're living in the era of the suitcase bomb. And they're not going to go away. They're here now, they're armed and dangerous, and they're trying to get weapons of mass destruction

George: Almost falls of the cliff ...

"Then, speech done, Bush confidently headed out — the wrong way. He strode away from the lectern on a path that would have sent him over a steep drop. Howard and others redirected the president to center stage, where there were steps leading down to the floor of the theater."
Also, he was late and people only applauded when he left.

... but steps into the brink ...

"We were all so focused on trying to get Bush out of Iraq that no one noticed he's still fighting the Korean War. Who knew?!

In a related matter, Bush announced that he's unwilling to declare an end to the War of 1812 until the British agree to take back David and Victoria Beckham."

Of course, Our SuperHero Fred, will rise to the occasion, smiting Redcoats and Terrorists, or any Traitor parroting the OBL/KOS talking points.

Fred forgets what he thinks of Social Security, thinks bin Laden is just another empty suit, and thinks someone, somewhere ought to come up with a plan to take these terrorists out. (HT: TPM)

Maha has the PrezNitWit Tape.

The Corner has the goods on Steady Freddy, a place where I seldom look for reasonable discourse. But then again, even a blind squirrel ...

Fred Thompson came to the offices of National Review some years when he was still in the Senate. I liked him fine. He has done nothing, anywhere, ever. The Hubble Telescope could not find what he has done, because he has not done it.

It would be unwise to put such a man in the White House at this moment in history.

That damn Digby stole my idea, and did it better (of course), excerpting the other Reagan Wannabees trying to be more conservative than thou as well.