By: Mark W Adams

I hereby take back any nice things I ever said about Michiganders Ara Rubyan, Phil Skaggs, and Rosemary Esmay for the duration of the series and promise to treat them with scornPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket and ridicule until such time as the underdog Cleveland Cavaliers are finished humiliating the Detroit Pistons and I've exhausted myself with silly victory dances (or we lose -- then this post gets flushed down the memory hole, so you better take a screen shot).

Battle of Lake Erie is on! Pistons will face Cavaliers

15 Years! 15 years since Cleveland was in the final four.


Holy Crap. LeBron James was in first grade back then -- and only 5' 11".

Not only that, LeBron James has the only chest on the planet that grows titanium steel.

LeBron James means the same thing in every language, which is, "unbeatable."

A man once spent three days climbing a mountain only to discover that it was LeBron James.

The hole in the ozone layer was caused when LeBron James tried on a pair of platform shoes.

Birds and Planes have to alter their course when LeBron James stands on his toes.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when LeBron James blocked his own shot.

Crop circles are LeBron's way of telling the world that sometimes even tall vegetables need to learn they're no match for him.

LeBron James beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL.

LeBron James has beaten the entire Harlem Globetrotters team in a game of basketball, and a game of horse.

The fillings in LeBron's teeth are not gold. In fact, it is a rare space metal that was given to him by the Predator who he beat in 1 on 1 basketball.

LeBron James once ended a basketball game with a 3-point slam-dunk.

LeBron James planned out Michael Jordan's entire basketball career on a used napkin from Arby's back in 1989 -- when he was only 5 years old.


Ara said...

Dude -- you're scaring me.


Pistons in 7.
Bring on the Spurs!

Ara said...

P.S. I'm being charitable. The more I think about it...the more I think it'll be 5-6 games.

Mitch Albom:

"He moves fast when he takes it slow, and he takes it slow even when racing downcourt. He can scare you with a smile on his face, show strength without flexing a muscle, be the shortest man on the floor yet the biggest player out there. He is respected even more than he is liked -- and he is liked as much as anybody in the league.

"Hey, NBA. We know LeBron is coming to town, with his Eddie Murphy-like commercials and eight-figure shoe deals. But LeBron can stay in the biggest bed in the biggest suite in the fanciest hotel.

"Chauncey Billups is still the coolest man in Detroit."

Anonymous said...

Certainly it depends on Stern and teh ref and how much ratings they want to get. So, with objective refs, I'd say Pistons in 5, with NBA refs, I'll say Pistons in 6, with the series not really close (ie, Pistons win first two in Detroit).

Mark, you do realize, you live far closer to Detroit than Cleveland, right?

-- Phil

Anonymous said...

Now what about the other 4 cavs on the court?
That's your downfall.
One Weapon vs. 6 Weapons.

Mark W Adams said...

Phil, I can always tell how close Detroit is when the wind blows a certain way.

Usually I get the stench from Ann Arbor, but you can tell when the smell is coming from a more northerly direction than from the NW here in Ohio occupied Michigan cuz it still smells like shit, just a lot more of it.

Come to think of it, maybe that isn't wind at all. Michigan just blows.

Ara, did you know that LeBron James' penis is so large, and so talented that he can make a three-pointer without using his hands?

philgoblue said...

That's it Adams!

$20 to Michigan for Edwards ActBlue from you if the Pistons win.

$20 to Ohio for Edwards ActBlue Piggy Bank from me if the cavs win.


Mark W Adams said...

You're on!

Anonymous said...

youre a fag, michael is the best there ever was, and ever will be.. go to hell and suck cock

YogaforCynics said...

Wow...how could anybody possibly follow up that incredibly articulate last comment?

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