FloriDUMB By: Mark W Adams

As Keith Olbermann reminds us on occasion, election fiascoes centering around the State of Florida are legion. And we're not just talking about Hanging Chads in 2000. These nutty people have been the retards of democracy since 1876.

So it was an absolutely brilliant move by Howard Dean to decide that they were incapable of any meaningful participation in the nominating process for the Democratic Party presidential candidate. It's the right thing to do. Not because they (like Michigan) refused to play by the rules set out by the DNC. But because it's been proven again and again they are just too stupid to vote.

In fact, since the vast majority of Floridians originate from elsewhere and just never could find their way back home where they belong -- I say let them all vote absentee in some other state that is underrepresented, like Idaho.

If they can figure out how to place a stamp on an envelope and address it correctly, they will have proved themselves overly competent, intelligence well above the average Florida voter, and worthy of having their vote counted. If not, to be compensated for their self-disenfranchisement, they will be given a metal detector and a tin cup as a consolation prize to hurry them on to their new life as a professional beach comber.

So it is with enormous trepidation that I relay news of the Cluster-Phuque in waiting that Dean has suggested -- a hastily put together caucus in May for the Sunshine State. I just can't wait for this "purple finger" moment in American democracy. Oy!

Come on, these are people who spend 13 months on a marketing campaign to rename a stretch of the panhandle coast (get this) "The Beach."

Lane Rees, a Walton County resident and owner of Human Resource Solutions also in South Walton and a former Walton County commissioner, said he had questions about the proposal, but his initial reaction was to the color chosen. The logo “The Beach” is white on an orange background.

“Our beaches aren’t orange,” Rees said.

You just can't make this stuff up.

In other news, Chrysler just rolled out their new 2008 vehicle proudly christened: "The Car."