Moritorium

I hereby take back any nice things I ever said about Michiganders Ara Rubyan, Phil Skaggs, and Rosemary Esmay for the duration of the series and promise to treat them with scorn and ridicule until such time as the underdog Cleveland Cavaliers are finished humiliating the Detroit Pistons and I've exhausted myself with silly victory dances (or we lose -- then this post gets flushed down the memory hole, so you better take a screen shot).

Battle of Lake Erie is on! Pistons will face Cavaliers

15 Years! 15 years since Cleveland was in the final four.

Woot!

Holy Crap. LeBron James was in first grade back then -- and only 5' 11".

Not only that, LeBron James has the only chest on the planet that grows titanium steel.

LeBron James means the same thing in every language, which is, "unbeatable."

A man once spent three days climbing a mountain only to discover that it was LeBron James.

The hole in the ozone layer was caused when LeBron James tried on a pair of platform shoes.

Birds and Planes have to alter their course when LeBron James stands on his toes.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when LeBron James blocked his own shot.

Crop circles are LeBron's way of telling the world that sometimes even tall vegetables need to learn they're no match for him.

LeBron James beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL.

LeBron James has beaten the entire Harlem Globetrotters team in a game of basketball, and a game of horse.

The fillings in LeBron's teeth are not gold. In fact, it is a rare space metal that was given to him by the Predator who he beat in 1 on 1 basketball.

LeBron James once ended a basketball game with a 3-point slam-dunk.

LeBron James planned out Michael Jordan's entire basketball career on a used napkin from Arby's back in 1989 -- when he was only 5 years old.